Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
