the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
