i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
