I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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