Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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