Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
