yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
