see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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