last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
