You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
