What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
