Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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