my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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