is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
