just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
