I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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