I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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