just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Will exercising make me less horny?
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