WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
