Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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