I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
