So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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