okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
