I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
