Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize