It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
