And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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