I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
