youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
