i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
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If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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