she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
