fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
