dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
