I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
