Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
