You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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