is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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