Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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