so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
