dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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