The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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