We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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