Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
