yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
