Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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