Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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