So drunk its hurt
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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