Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
