yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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