Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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