I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize