She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
