Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
