I'm jealous of your bromance
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
