I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
