sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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