You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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