You smell like a Billy Joel song
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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