What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is my gift to your gina
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
