STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
