I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
