So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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