You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
only you would photoshop your dick
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
