Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
