The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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