Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
