I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
