You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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