Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
