That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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