So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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