i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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