sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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