I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
