Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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