nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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