Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
