A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
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Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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