He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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