theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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